A Rachel Review: IVANHOE, 1982

IVANHOE, a classic tale written by Sir Walter Scott heralds the fight between Norman & Saxon by means of battle, tournament, and honor. 

Such an ending is unequaled in the entire history of film! (Though the ending scene from the 1935 Mummy where the girl is carried away from her fiancee to drown in the lake might be a close second.) Rebecca misses out because she's a jew? Historically accurate, surely, for the jewess to lose out-- but the rest of the story isn't accurate! Why shouldn't the romance work out at least? 

Ivanhoe is an awful man! AW-FUL MAN!! He tells Richard the Lionheart that if Rebecca weren't a jew he'd never let her out of his sight, and he tells Rebecca that if god had granted them to be of the same race their love would have surpassed all others. 

...and then he marries the blonde. 

I'm sorry, but did I misunderstand? You--what? Okay, no. Just no. No. NO. You do NOT leave Olivia Hussey for a blonde. No. NO. Uh uh. Seriously, it just isn't done.  And you know what else? You definitely don't give the no-account blonde a large picture on the cover of the dvd while Olivia shrinks into obscurity. 

Costumes: really quite good. Headgear for everyone was superb, and the jousting clothes were terrific. 

Actors: Lots of famous people. Even John Rhys-Davies is in this. Of course, the merits of the movie were also the reasons why I found it detestable-- Anthony Andrews and Olivia Hussey play their characters with such longing that when they don't end up together a part of your heart wilts. I should have learned during Scarlet Pimpernel that when Anthony Andrews pines over a girl he loves desperately but will not allow himself, the results are incredulity, and misery of the acutest kind; his heart bleeds inwardly and the look in his eyes is its only evidence of heartbreak. Andrews' acting particularly is fabulous to observe, but terrible to endure. 

Rachel's Review: He loves Rebecca, but marries Rowena whom he "also" loves.  That's just crap. 

Exhausted

I feel like Goob-- "so tired." I could really use a caffeine patch right now. Actually, no, what I could really use is sleep. Just sleep.

I Believe the Storybooks I Read By Candelight

Link to the Lyrics

Link to the other* Fiona song, "Morning Person."

Delightful, fresh, and brand-spanking-broadway-exclusive: "I Know It's Today." I've listened to this song innumerable times, which is probably why it interuppted my thoughts during my final exams. It's from Shrek the Musical, which debuted in NYC a few weeks ago. The rest of the show is okay, but Fiona's two songs are fabulous. Hence the posting.

Sorry for the quality-- but I preferred this staging better than the clip from the Today show, so this is the one you get. It was filmed during the preview tour in Seattle.

Adult Fiona is played by Sutton Foster (if you don't recognize that name, well... she's huge on broadway. She was the first Modern-Millie, Jo in Little Women, and she was in the Drowsy Chaperone, etc.) 

*Alicia, you need to watch Morning Person. You'll love the dance break! 

Aurelian Ball's Final Exam

Otherwise entitled, name what movie and character each letter references.

Multiple Choice. What will Rachel do now that school is out for summer?

A) Scream YAWP and murmur CARPE beside unsuspecting miscreants.
B) "Bet my tights I won't be working in a freak show like this."
C) Recall memories of a past life where I stand trial accused of being witch, frequently argue (in song) with my alter ego, and avoid strangers singing to me in french accents.
D) Read from a sealed book, survive shipwreck, destroy artifacts, and kiss a man on death row.
E) Marry three times (for revenge, real-estate, and money) then decide to worry about everything tomorrow.
F) Claim that life without the man I stalk "is a hopeless abyss of misery and despair," be sent to Paris, get a make make-over, then come home and get billionaire brothers to fight over me.
G) Lie about my identity, fight gypsies, not find my conviction exhausting, be sold as a slave to a lecherous bald man, appear to be an angel with wings, and have my portrait hung in a library for a few centuries.
H) Change into a khaki linen dress with a blue cardigan, sniff scotch tape, forget to vote while getting a manicure, and fall in love with my worst enemy who may or may not a) be the zipper man on Amsterdam avenue, b) have 152 shot glasses, or c) be my best friend.
I) Hang over the side of a cliff while screaming for help, play the piano, fall in love with a mountain man, and disobey my fathers wishes, all the while having hideously frizzy black hair.
J) Hear voices, see dead people, hunt down famous authors so I can take them to baseball games, pretend my finger is a gun, and nearly lose my farm.
K) Discuss air supremacy underneath a table with British WWII officers while the Germans bomb our hideaway.
L) Cause rain twice a day for two years, sew a shiny blue spandex shirt with a letter J on it, and sing songs about how eggs, roses, and friends all come in dozens.
M) Lose my father and social status, have my heart trod upon by a dashing young man who dumps me for a snooty rich girl after his secret past causes a scandal, nearly die of despair, and ultimately marry a "besotted" sentimental older man who gives me a piano and reads me poetry.
N) Donate all my worldly clothes (save one) to the poor, make play clothes out of old drapes, cause a rare but happy world of indigestion, and climb the alps.
O) Develop a crush on a boy my father hit with the car, and think his brand of underwear is actually his name.
P) Hide a note for my father in a rhododendron bush, travel to America, lose a fortune in the form of silver spoons, learn how to plunge and scrub, and demand that my "brother" give me back my pillow.
R) Stab a girl in the chest after she wakes me while I'm sleeping.
S) Be carried off by an abominable snow creature, get my hand cut off, mistake the master I seek for a meddlesome swamp dweller, kiss my twin sister, and throw myself down an air-shaft.
T) Talk to a brawny man late at night "out at the wood pile," and "squabble" with my girlfriend the next day after she accuses me of planning it.
U) Engineer a four-foot prune, even though the successful results will be sadly temporary.
V) Walk twelve miles to a slack dump just to get off company property, tear up strips of abandoned railway, get an autographed picture of a scientist for my birthday, drop out of high school, and have the best soundtrack in the world for a theme song.
W) Bake a lunch guaranteed to give a man a three-day bellyache.
X) See a "fine collection of Russian nesting dolls," use violence to win money, buy fresh ingredients, and wear stretchy pants.
Y) Dance about in my superior's clothes, pretend to be someone I'm not, fall under a witch's spell, fight in tournament, beg a cockatiel's pardon, and trance-like say "midnight--horses at the north gate."
Z) Attend a party thinking that I look "like a butterfly," lose a fight to a crippled old man, drink water from a glass with a dead man's hand floating in it, and cut a girl's corset off in a barn.

Best of the Tonys: PARADE

I loathe finals. I detest formal schooling for all of its expectations, and I don't welcome its presence in my life. Too bad I have to take that ugly, stupid, drasted bitter with the batter and the schummina shhlemick kuh flattz.... 

I take great relief in telling myself that no matter what happens, no matter how I screw up, the outcome doesn't matter. The past few days I've summoned a particular lyric line to memory simply remind me of this fact; amends can always be made. 

If you've ever felt the same way, that your life is one huge mess and you're the only one to blame for it all, this is my message to you--no matter what you've done, you haven't "screwed things up beyond redeeming." And neither have I. 

From the musical PARADE, by Jason Robert-Brown. What a great show!*

"No! This isn't over!
No, the date's not set!
No, I won't wake up tomorrow
Drowning in my sweat!
Somehow I haven't, with my scheming,
Screwed things up beyond redeeming. 
The journey ahead may get shorter;
I might reach the end of my rope;
But suddenly loud as a mortar 
There is hope!

This is not over yet." 

*Parade has some of the best music I've ever heard in theater. 

Top songs: All the Wasted Time (duet that knocks the socks off of a thousand relationships), It Don't Make Sense ("Did you ever see her smile? Her smile was like a glass of lemonade."), People of Atlanta, Old Red Hills of Home, and Picture Show (the one Mom heard me sing in the car a gazillion times...). 

huked oN Fonics werkd 4 mE

What about maintenance? Is that okay?


Don't drink and make signs, either. I'm curious. Would the double negative here make the sign read "don't NOT drink and drive?"


This is my favorite. Beware! The mountian approacheth!


Is the sidewalk open?


A vechile? That must be some kind of pepper.


Ah, the classic shcool. I love how the workers look at it with obvious dismay; I like to think that they knew the correct spelling but just weren't paying attention.

KVETCH THIS.

Boy would I love to read this book! It would teach me even more about that magnetic-yiddish-poetry-set that my mom (I mean SANTA) got me for Christmas.



kvetch (yiddish):

verb [intrans]

a chronic complaint, or to complain with whining persistence. To nag.
"a rambling kvetch against the system"

Nice One, Payless

Teriyaki Rat Meat

My friend just got called on a mission to Ghana. Apparently, there-- ROUS's are a delicacy. Behold, the giant "cane rat." Yummers!

Girls at Galilee

About half of the girls from my study abroad in Jerusalem, Galilee eastern shore. 

Thank heaven for photographs. This reveals a camaraderie my memory delights to recall.Here's the story. Everyone who was on the beach got pulled into the "girls only" picture. We were all in such a good mood, smiling just came naturally.  Everything was peaceful, and we had no ill concerns. I look at this picture and remember what real happiness feels like. 

I also remember that we started laughing because two of our boys were running at lightning speed to try and shove their way into the snapshot; we rushed to take the picture before they could squeeze in.

What a time that was! The months I spent with these girls will be part of my "days never to be forgotten."

You Gotta Be Sincere

If I'd lived in the era,  I TOTALLY would've been a hopeless bobby-soxer. I love this song! Whew! Now if you'll excuse me, I've just been seized by an extraordinary urge to camp out and belt "I love you Conrad" at the top of my lungs....

A Rachel Review

Miss Potter is the life story of Beatrix Potter, the famous authoress of children's stories, notably that of "Peter Rabbit." Drama, 2007. 

Key Descriptors: Sentimental, moving, whimsical. A view into the Victorian world, almost made me cry, historically accurate, perfect costumes, idyllic soundtrack, and an overall win. 

Soundtrack:  Nigel Westlake, a composer hitherto unfamiliar to me has a style similar to Rachel Portman. The best surprise of the movie was his use of the Victorian song "Let Me Teach You How to Dance." 4 stars. 

Rachel's Review: Miss Potter  is drama at its best. I found it heart felt, thought provoking, and an overall win. What else can I say?  100 more reasons (as if we needed them) to love Ewan McGregor. Despite my usual prejudice against her acting, I found Renee Zellweger well cast and delightful. Cinematographers captured the Lake District of England very well, and the film's use of color was superb.

I highly recommend Miss Potter to everyone in my family, and anyone with taste. 

Best quotes: 

"Are you skulking?"

"I did not imagine them, they're quite real. They're my friends."

"Miss Wiggin is fallible?"

"Bedtime, my young reprobates!"

"You have something to confide? How delicious."

...and the way Ewan says "thank you." 

BYU Campus. Yesterday.

No joke.

That Wise Guy

Cheers to the man who so wisely and wittily wrote; with a smile that great he must have been quite someone.  

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one."

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." 

"Adults are just obsolete children."

"You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room."

“Shorth is better than length.”

"Not the Last Meal or the Final Snack"

..... there are SO many good lines in this. "Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band!"

3rd "restrict your remarks to the weather"

Snow, snow! 

Snow all day!

Then come play another day! 

Happy April Tax-Day (for me) there was a ton snow! It started to snow at ten in the morning and continued all day with only an hour respite.  I'm not kidding, either. When I left Orem last night there were 7 inches of snow on top of the car. There were only 3" in Provo,  but the four accidents on University Avenue at midnight alone should attest to the fact that it was very snowy and icy. 

Yes, I think you all know I'm crazy. It's supposed to be spring, right? Yes... well...

"Come [snow,] and welcome, Juliet wills it so!"

Oh dear.

Click twice to watch, the embedding didn't work. It's worth the time, though. Trust that.

Create Your Own Pollack & Full Fathom Five

Here's something you all really should do today-- create your own Pollack-esque print using just your mouse button. Every time you click, the paint will change color! Better yet, let the kids play with "paint."  So much fun to do, and sans the mess.

The only real Jackson Pollack I've ever liked even a little bit:

Full Fathom Five, 1947

The texture is great, isn't it? And I do so enjoy orange. Fabulous title too. Ha! FFFFFFabulous fffffull fffathom ffffffive? Mmm, yes. 

Happy Easter

Before I forget to mention, I do hope everyone had a Happy Easter. 

 

Thanks to the generosity of several people, I was able to eat cadbury cream eggs, ham (which is ironic, since Easter is passover). I of course also watched The 10 Commandments, my favorite movie of all time-- in crystal clear picture. Ah, technicolor. Ah, John Derek. I still remember the Christmas when Mom gave me the 50th anniversary edition... *sigh* the gift that keeps on giving. "Death cometh to meeeeeee..." 

I also watched the "resurrection scene" from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe when Aslan appeases the deep magic and the stone table breaks--hence the picture of the post. I love that painting; it was part of the concept art for the movie and is worth a sincere look-see. 

Yes Please

Matt found this and sent it to me. I must admit, I'd LOVE to have her. Were she in my hands, she'd be slapped (well, more like carefully placed) onto my Macbook within seconds. 

I Love You, Mommy

Happy Birthday. 

I was searching for words to say about you, and for you. My eyes began to fill with tears. I realized then that whenever I really think about you and what you've done, how you've lived your life for me, I cannot help but cry; my heart cannot hold such vast quantity of emotion and so bubbles over.  

My next thought was "why... do these eyes... of mine cry?" And I laughed! Funny how one phrase can conjure so many memories, isn't it? I decided that that is what I wanted say-- the memories I have of being with you.  Just this one is your birthday gift, then:

We were driving up Timpview Drive in the old Reliant listening to 94.1 when that song -- that you came to call my song-- came on for the first time. I think I was nine or ten, and you were driving me to dance class. You turned the volume up and sang "I wake up in the morning and I wonder." The music was SO cheesy, and SO scoopy,  and even twangy, but you seemed to love it. I thought that was slightly odd since you usually seem to have good taste in music.  I decided that it must have been a fluke.  You said -- hang on! -- it would get better. And then, oh man! Then Skeeter Davis started to talk, (had to google that name-- didn't know it until a few minutes ago, but what kind of a name is Skeeter, anyway?) she started to talk and I totally lost it laughing. You did too. Gasping for air, we repeated those spoken phrases until tears were streaming down our faces.  And for years after that moment (one peculiar passing moment) every time that song came on the radio we jacked up the volume and belted our drama act to the velveteen seat cushions. You'd grin to me and say, "Hey, Rach! They're playing your song."  

And now just remembering, sitting on my living room couch, with you so far away, tears are again streaming down my face. I love you so! 

It's hard to speak my heart. I feel so much; the emotion is too great to describe! Too wondrous and perfect to imprison with words. All I can say, dearest Mother, is that I owe you so much more than my life. I love you so much more than my heart. And that I could never have designed a better friend, a more understanding Lady, a more loving or wiser woman to be my mother!  I am so glad that you are my mother. For all that you are, and all you have been, I wish to bless you on your birthday. For you have always blessed me. 

Also remember today that you may have grown older, but you still aren't allowed to be old. Ha. Not until I'm married with three children. :) If I were in Houston I'd make you cheesecake, but you and Alicia are already on top of that. I hope it turns out just dandy with that spanking new springform pan of your'n. 

PANIC!

I'm telling you all right now that this is the only blog post I'll be doing this w h o l e week. Don't bother checking back until Sunday. I just don't have the time, sadly. I have long papers to type, finals, junk responsibilities, dance auditions, journals to hand in, registration to figure out, work to do, places to go, people to see, motor-boat races, loop the loop, my country's 500th anniversary to plan-- I'm swamped.

Most of the problem is that I have too much to do, not enough time to do it in, and not enough motivation to finish it in the first place. Yuck. How about I just skip the next three weeks altogether and end up somewhere over the rainbow? Click my patent leather heels together and *poof* voila! I'm done? Please? Pretty please? Sigh. The only thing I don't want to skip is the dance audition Wednesday and Saturday-- THAT will be worthwhile. Ah well. Life's not all "white knights full of grace and pleasantries."

Two weeks. I can do that. It'll all be over in two weeks. Better or worse, it'll all be over in two weeks. Just two weeks! Okay. Breathe. Okay... just two weeks. Two short weeks. Yeah--- two weeks. Two weekaroonies. Fourteen days. Just... two.... weeks. GAH!

"Step, kick kick, leap, kick, touch. Again."

Today I was invited to audition for the Folk Dance Performing Arts Company, aka "PAC." It's the top team, and I'd really love to be on it. Auditions are this week and I'm so excited! I'm going to have so much fun. Will I make it? Well.... I'd bet not. The chances look small, but I don't mind at all. It's just going to be fun to dance. 

Spectacular

Saturday night movie with Folk Dance friends: Cyrano de Bergerac. French has never sounded so good. 

Rachel's Review: Spectacular!

Best quotes:

"The truth which I speak strikes more sparks from men's hearts than your spurs do from the cobblestones."

"May I know a thousand victories, a thousand defeats, and never timidity."

Melissa

You have gumption. You have class.  You never settle for less than the best.  You are more capable than anyone I know.  You have impeachable taste. You've got sensational hair. You work too hard, but even do that with style and flair. You taught me to create merriment amidst the ugliest tasks. You fill me with awe. Your devotion to the truths our family cherishes couldn't be stronger. You inspire me. You daily redefine the limits of what can be accomplished. There's nothing you can't do. You've always considered it your job to watch out for me, and for that I thank you. Everyday you grin and bear it to make others' lives easier. There's nothing you won't do for those you love.  You're a beacon of what it means to choose the better part. You've shown me what life can be like when really lived. You'll always be my "superperson."

I love you. I believe in you. I look to you as a model of what I'd like to be. I'm so lucky to be your little sister.  

Happy Birthday, Buddy!

Spring Festival of Nations

BYU Folk Dance club held a concert last night called "Spring Festival of Nations." My team represented the country of Israel (my second favorite country!) and I must say we looked fabulous. With the exception that our director insisted that we have pony tails (Note to Ed Austin: pony tails do not flatter when combined with boat necks and full 

skirts).  

I'm not in this shot, but I'm just barely out of the frame. :(

I had the best lift-parter ever: Chandler Brown, thank you! Unfortunately this is a bad angle to see us at, but we look perfect. Really! I had people on PAC tell me afterward that I looked "really great on that shoulder lift." Thanks to Chandler we nailed it every time! We were so good at that lift we even got put front and center in our formation, even if the angle of this picture doesn't show it. I'm so proud of me...

It's kinda scary to balance all your weight on the shoulder of a guy that's 6'2" while your legs are wrapped behind his back, especially when you have to vault off of his knee to get onto his shoulder in the first place, all the while praying that you'll get your butt-cheek in exactly the right position so he can stand up without you falling to your death. But we did it. 

End of slow "Ma Navu" music, aka Part 1. Cue the Hora! 

"Ahhhhhnd one,  and two, and twirly twirly twirly." (Also not me)

Good friends: Rachel Spencer, Tiffany Dunn (in Russian garb) and me with my tiny waist-- that's not just the angle either! 

Team 1RB, hooray for us! Can you find me? I'm the cute porcelain doll in the teal dress...

Behold the copious hair spray residue coating my hair after said performance ended. Yikes! Also note my cunningly blended stage make-up. Thank you Mother for teaching me about Albolene; thanks to you all of my eyeshadow melted right off. 

Um, no. The Retro Version.

Do you ever see or hear something that causes you double take and say, that's just not okay? Yes. That's what I call the "um, no" moment. Here's a few I stumbled on recently. 

How to be what you think other people want, aka how to NOT be yourself.

What phrase you should not use as the title of your album. Not everyone will think you're referring to the "Sounds-of-the-Sabbath."

How to wear hair three sizes larger than an your head on a record cover. 

How to create propaganda--  wait. Just... okay. Um, no.