A Rachel Review: IVANHOE, 1982

IVANHOE, a classic tale written by Sir Walter Scott heralds the fight between Norman & Saxon by means of battle, tournament, and honor. 

Such an ending is unequaled in the entire history of film! (Though the ending scene from the 1935 Mummy where the girl is carried away from her fiancee to drown in the lake might be a close second.) Rebecca misses out because she's a jew? Historically accurate, surely, for the jewess to lose out-- but the rest of the story isn't accurate! Why shouldn't the romance work out at least? 

Ivanhoe is an awful man! AW-FUL MAN!! He tells Richard the Lionheart that if Rebecca weren't a jew he'd never let her out of his sight, and he tells Rebecca that if god had granted them to be of the same race their love would have surpassed all others. 

...and then he marries the blonde. 

I'm sorry, but did I misunderstand? You--what? Okay, no. Just no. No. NO. You do NOT leave Olivia Hussey for a blonde. No. NO. Uh uh. Seriously, it just isn't done.  And you know what else? You definitely don't give the no-account blonde a large picture on the cover of the dvd while Olivia shrinks into obscurity. 

Costumes: really quite good. Headgear for everyone was superb, and the jousting clothes were terrific. 

Actors: Lots of famous people. Even John Rhys-Davies is in this. Of course, the merits of the movie were also the reasons why I found it detestable-- Anthony Andrews and Olivia Hussey play their characters with such longing that when they don't end up together a part of your heart wilts. I should have learned during Scarlet Pimpernel that when Anthony Andrews pines over a girl he loves desperately but will not allow himself, the results are incredulity, and misery of the acutest kind; his heart bleeds inwardly and the look in his eyes is its only evidence of heartbreak. Andrews' acting particularly is fabulous to observe, but terrible to endure. 

Rachel's Review: He loves Rebecca, but marries Rowena whom he "also" loves.  That's just crap. 

Exhausted

I feel like Goob-- "so tired." I could really use a caffeine patch right now. Actually, no, what I could really use is sleep. Just sleep.

I Believe the Storybooks I Read By Candelight

Link to the Lyrics

Link to the other* Fiona song, "Morning Person."

Delightful, fresh, and brand-spanking-broadway-exclusive: "I Know It's Today." I've listened to this song innumerable times, which is probably why it interuppted my thoughts during my final exams. It's from Shrek the Musical, which debuted in NYC a few weeks ago. The rest of the show is okay, but Fiona's two songs are fabulous. Hence the posting.

Sorry for the quality-- but I preferred this staging better than the clip from the Today show, so this is the one you get. It was filmed during the preview tour in Seattle.

Adult Fiona is played by Sutton Foster (if you don't recognize that name, well... she's huge on broadway. She was the first Modern-Millie, Jo in Little Women, and she was in the Drowsy Chaperone, etc.) 

*Alicia, you need to watch Morning Person. You'll love the dance break! 

Aurelian Ball's Final Exam

Otherwise entitled, name what movie and character each letter references.

Multiple Choice. What will Rachel do now that school is out for summer?

A) Scream YAWP and murmur CARPE beside unsuspecting miscreants.
B) "Bet my tights I won't be working in a freak show like this."
C) Recall memories of a past life where I stand trial accused of being witch, frequently argue (in song) with my alter ego, and avoid strangers singing to me in french accents.
D) Read from a sealed book, survive shipwreck, destroy artifacts, and kiss a man on death row.
E) Marry three times (for revenge, real-estate, and money) then decide to worry about everything tomorrow.
F) Claim that life without the man I stalk "is a hopeless abyss of misery and despair," be sent to Paris, get a make make-over, then come home and get billionaire brothers to fight over me.
G) Lie about my identity, fight gypsies, not find my conviction exhausting, be sold as a slave to a lecherous bald man, appear to be an angel with wings, and have my portrait hung in a library for a few centuries.
H) Change into a khaki linen dress with a blue cardigan, sniff scotch tape, forget to vote while getting a manicure, and fall in love with my worst enemy who may or may not a) be the zipper man on Amsterdam avenue, b) have 152 shot glasses, or c) be my best friend.
I) Hang over the side of a cliff while screaming for help, play the piano, fall in love with a mountain man, and disobey my fathers wishes, all the while having hideously frizzy black hair.
J) Hear voices, see dead people, hunt down famous authors so I can take them to baseball games, pretend my finger is a gun, and nearly lose my farm.
K) Discuss air supremacy underneath a table with British WWII officers while the Germans bomb our hideaway.
L) Cause rain twice a day for two years, sew a shiny blue spandex shirt with a letter J on it, and sing songs about how eggs, roses, and friends all come in dozens.
M) Lose my father and social status, have my heart trod upon by a dashing young man who dumps me for a snooty rich girl after his secret past causes a scandal, nearly die of despair, and ultimately marry a "besotted" sentimental older man who gives me a piano and reads me poetry.
N) Donate all my worldly clothes (save one) to the poor, make play clothes out of old drapes, cause a rare but happy world of indigestion, and climb the alps.
O) Develop a crush on a boy my father hit with the car, and think his brand of underwear is actually his name.
P) Hide a note for my father in a rhododendron bush, travel to America, lose a fortune in the form of silver spoons, learn how to plunge and scrub, and demand that my "brother" give me back my pillow.
R) Stab a girl in the chest after she wakes me while I'm sleeping.
S) Be carried off by an abominable snow creature, get my hand cut off, mistake the master I seek for a meddlesome swamp dweller, kiss my twin sister, and throw myself down an air-shaft.
T) Talk to a brawny man late at night "out at the wood pile," and "squabble" with my girlfriend the next day after she accuses me of planning it.
U) Engineer a four-foot prune, even though the successful results will be sadly temporary.
V) Walk twelve miles to a slack dump just to get off company property, tear up strips of abandoned railway, get an autographed picture of a scientist for my birthday, drop out of high school, and have the best soundtrack in the world for a theme song.
W) Bake a lunch guaranteed to give a man a three-day bellyache.
X) See a "fine collection of Russian nesting dolls," use violence to win money, buy fresh ingredients, and wear stretchy pants.
Y) Dance about in my superior's clothes, pretend to be someone I'm not, fall under a witch's spell, fight in tournament, beg a cockatiel's pardon, and trance-like say "midnight--horses at the north gate."
Z) Attend a party thinking that I look "like a butterfly," lose a fight to a crippled old man, drink water from a glass with a dead man's hand floating in it, and cut a girl's corset off in a barn.

Best of the Tonys: PARADE

I loathe finals. I detest formal schooling for all of its expectations, and I don't welcome its presence in my life. Too bad I have to take that ugly, stupid, drasted bitter with the batter and the schummina shhlemick kuh flattz.... 

I take great relief in telling myself that no matter what happens, no matter how I screw up, the outcome doesn't matter. The past few days I've summoned a particular lyric line to memory simply remind me of this fact; amends can always be made. 

If you've ever felt the same way, that your life is one huge mess and you're the only one to blame for it all, this is my message to you--no matter what you've done, you haven't "screwed things up beyond redeeming." And neither have I. 

From the musical PARADE, by Jason Robert-Brown. What a great show!*

"No! This isn't over!
No, the date's not set!
No, I won't wake up tomorrow
Drowning in my sweat!
Somehow I haven't, with my scheming,
Screwed things up beyond redeeming. 
The journey ahead may get shorter;
I might reach the end of my rope;
But suddenly loud as a mortar 
There is hope!

This is not over yet." 

*Parade has some of the best music I've ever heard in theater. 

Top songs: All the Wasted Time (duet that knocks the socks off of a thousand relationships), It Don't Make Sense ("Did you ever see her smile? Her smile was like a glass of lemonade."), People of Atlanta, Old Red Hills of Home, and Picture Show (the one Mom heard me sing in the car a gazillion times...). 

huked oN Fonics werkd 4 mE

What about maintenance? Is that okay?


Don't drink and make signs, either. I'm curious. Would the double negative here make the sign read "don't NOT drink and drive?"


This is my favorite. Beware! The mountian approacheth!


Is the sidewalk open?


A vechile? That must be some kind of pepper.


Ah, the classic shcool. I love how the workers look at it with obvious dismay; I like to think that they knew the correct spelling but just weren't paying attention.

KVETCH THIS.

Boy would I love to read this book! It would teach me even more about that magnetic-yiddish-poetry-set that my mom (I mean SANTA) got me for Christmas.



kvetch (yiddish):

verb [intrans]

a chronic complaint, or to complain with whining persistence. To nag.
"a rambling kvetch against the system"

Nice One, Payless

Teriyaki Rat Meat

My friend just got called on a mission to Ghana. Apparently, there-- ROUS's are a delicacy. Behold, the giant "cane rat." Yummers!

Girls at Galilee

About half of the girls from my study abroad in Jerusalem, Galilee eastern shore. 

Thank heaven for photographs. This reveals a camaraderie my memory delights to recall.Here's the story. Everyone who was on the beach got pulled into the "girls only" picture. We were all in such a good mood, smiling just came naturally.  Everything was peaceful, and we had no ill concerns. I look at this picture and remember what real happiness feels like. 

I also remember that we started laughing because two of our boys were running at lightning speed to try and shove their way into the snapshot; we rushed to take the picture before they could squeeze in.

What a time that was! The months I spent with these girls will be part of my "days never to be forgotten."

You Gotta Be Sincere

If I'd lived in the era,  I TOTALLY would've been a hopeless bobby-soxer. I love this song! Whew! Now if you'll excuse me, I've just been seized by an extraordinary urge to camp out and belt "I love you Conrad" at the top of my lungs....

A Rachel Review

Miss Potter is the life story of Beatrix Potter, the famous authoress of children's stories, notably that of "Peter Rabbit." Drama, 2007. 

Key Descriptors: Sentimental, moving, whimsical. A view into the Victorian world, almost made me cry, historically accurate, perfect costumes, idyllic soundtrack, and an overall win. 

Soundtrack:  Nigel Westlake, a composer hitherto unfamiliar to me has a style similar to Rachel Portman. The best surprise of the movie was his use of the Victorian song "Let Me Teach You How to Dance." 4 stars. 

Rachel's Review: Miss Potter  is drama at its best. I found it heart felt, thought provoking, and an overall win. What else can I say?  100 more reasons (as if we needed them) to love Ewan McGregor. Despite my usual prejudice against her acting, I found Renee Zellweger well cast and delightful. Cinematographers captured the Lake District of England very well, and the film's use of color was superb.

I highly recommend Miss Potter to everyone in my family, and anyone with taste. 

Best quotes: 

"Are you skulking?"

"I did not imagine them, they're quite real. They're my friends."

"Miss Wiggin is fallible?"

"Bedtime, my young reprobates!"

"You have something to confide? How delicious."

...and the way Ewan says "thank you." 

BYU Campus. Yesterday.

No joke.

That Wise Guy

Cheers to the man who so wisely and wittily wrote; with a smile that great he must have been quite someone.  

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one."

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." 

"Adults are just obsolete children."

"You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room."

“Shorth is better than length.”

"Not the Last Meal or the Final Snack"

..... there are SO many good lines in this. "Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band!"

3rd "restrict your remarks to the weather"

Snow, snow! 

Snow all day!

Then come play another day! 

Happy April Tax-Day (for me) there was a ton snow! It started to snow at ten in the morning and continued all day with only an hour respite.  I'm not kidding, either. When I left Orem last night there were 7 inches of snow on top of the car. There were only 3" in Provo,  but the four accidents on University Avenue at midnight alone should attest to the fact that it was very snowy and icy. 

Yes, I think you all know I'm crazy. It's supposed to be spring, right? Yes... well...

"Come [snow,] and welcome, Juliet wills it so!"